Date of decision: February 29, 2012

City of hearing: Family Law Division – San Diego, CA

Issues before the court: Move Away Request

City and State of client: El Cajon, CA

Description: Our client, Mother, retained our firm to assist her in filing a Motion so that she could move to Maryland to be closer to her extended family. Father has approximately thirty percent (30%) visitation. The Edmunds Law Firm was successful in our attempt to obtain a move away and at the end of the school year, Mother will be relocating to the East coast with her children.

Dating while divorcing can help you feel lovable and desirable – just as your previous love life is coming apart. It can also help alleviate some of the stress and anxiety that comes during a divorce, giving you something to focus on besides trials and tribulations. However, for several legal and emotional reasons, it is not a very good idea.

Dating’s Impact on the Divorce Settlement

In theory, you may have been the perfect spouse during the marriage and only began dating after it was clear that divorce was imminent. But dating during divorce proceedings opens up questions about marital misconduct, such as adultery. If a judge disapproves of your dating behavior, s/he may hold it against you during the proceedings. This feeling may be subconscious, but judges are only human and can’t help forming biases just like everyone else.

In addition, dating before a divorce is finalized usually angers and saddens the other spouse. This is true regardless of how he or she may have acted during the marriage itself. It may cause the other spouse to question how faithful you were during the marriage, even if that question never crossed his or her mind before. This often causes the other spouse to become confrontational and distrustful, further complicating divorce proceedings.

Finally, the new relationship may be considered in the division of property, child custody or alimony determination. This is especially true if you two move in together and/or your new partner has a stronger financial footing than your estranged spouse.

Dating’s Impact on Child Custody Issues

Watching a parent date while a divorce is pending is also difficult for children, who often come to resent the new person in the dating spouse’s life. If the child registers discomfort with your new relationship, the court can take that into account when making custody determinations. When one spouse is dating, the other spouse may also resist shared custody agreements for emotional reasons.

Furthermore, there will now be three parties for the court to consider during custody hearings – not two. If your new relationship has a shady past, that will be held against YOU during the divorce proceedings.

In addition, if you have children, you will likely have ongoing contact with your ex-spouse after the divorce is finalized. Dating before a divorce can poison your relationship with your ex-spouse for years to come, making future joint decisions more difficult than they needed to be.

Dating’s Impact on Emotional Issues

A new relationship can help you avoid feeling some of the pain of a divorce, but that relief is likely temporary. It is unlikely that you are truly emotionally ready to start a new relationship. Studies have shown that the first relationship after a divorce has little chance of long-term survival. Are you really ready to jeopardize so much for a relationship that likely won’t last? And if the new person in your life really is “the one,” shouldn’t they put your best interest first by waiting until after the divorce is final?

Finding a Divorce Attorney in San Diego

If you find yourself faced with divorce and need professional, compassionate advice on how to handle this difficult time, please call The Edmunds Law Firm at (800) 431-2526, or fill out the contact form on our website. We have over 33 years of experience handling a variety of complicated family law cases in California.

Hear it comes again – Valentine’s Day. The day Hallmark seems to set-aside every year to torture the single.

But you can survive the day – just as you survived the divorce. Here are some practical (and often humorous) tips from the blog FirstWivesWorld.com. [Though the blog is geared toward women, everyone can benefit from this sage advice.]

Short-Term Strategies

1. Make Sure You Are Prepared: There will be prying eyes and personal questions from your friends and coworkers about plans you may have for your first Valentine’s Day alone. Have an answer for them, even if it is “no comment.”
2. Don’t Get Dressed Up: It just invites the prying questions listed above.
3. Read a Book: Preferably read a book in which people who fall in love come to a bad end. Most Shakespeare novels will do. Avoid books that end with lovers living “happily ever after.”
4. Avoid the Media: Whether it is TV, radio of the Internet, mainstream media will be filled with soapy love stories and movies. This is just another reason to follow Tip No. 3: “Read a Book.”
5. Buy Yourself Chocolate: Any day is a good day to buy some chocolate, but you can skip the overpriced heart-shaped box.
6. Don’t Buy Flowers: Flowers are always over-priced during the holidays. You will be better off waiting a week or two.
7. Avoid Places Designed for Couples: Cozy restaurants are a no-no. Crowded nightclubs, even shopping centers, are a better bet.
8. Don’t Hook Up with A Stranger: You’ll regret it in the morning, and it’ll make future Valentine’s Days even harder to handle.
9. Remember It’s Just One Day: If you’ve gone through a divorce, you’ve faced even greater hardship than the “love barrage” of Valentine’s Day. Shut your door, turn off all media, eat what you love, read a good book, etc. It will all be over in the morning.
10. Remember Why You Got Divorced: For whatever reason, your marriage didn’t work out and that’s ok. Look toward the future. There are better days ahead.

Long-Term Strategies

Divorce Magazine takes a longer – and perhaps more serious look at the issue. Its editors suggest five tips for surviving Valentine’s Day this year and in the future.

1. Accept That Divorce Changes You: The sooner you accept that you are not the same person you were before the divorce, the sooner you can experience the opportunities for growth and renewal that come from even the most devastating of circumstances. Nothing is gained from holding onto bitterness.
2. Learn From Your Divorce: Learn from the experience – both good and bad – so that your next relationship is stronger, and future Valentine’s Days are more joyful.
3. Get Back in the Game: It may take several months or several years, but don’t wait until you have no fears of reentering the dating pool. Eventually, you must take the leap. If you are too afraid to go it alone, join a dating service that caters to divorced people or join a support group.
4. Consider Professional Help: If you do your best to survive Valentine’s Day and just can’t get over your depression, seek help. If family, friends, books (online or in print) and support groups aren’t enough, seek professional help from a therapist who has experience helping people rebuild after divorce and other traumatic experiences.
5. Enjoy Being Single: Many people enjoy the freedom and opportunities that come with being single. Don’t see this point in your life as “between relationships”; see it as an opportunity to get to know yourself better and indulge yourself a bit.

Finding a Divorce Attorney in San Diego

If you find yourself faced with divorce and need professional, compassionate advice on how to handle this difficult time, please call The Edmunds Law Firm at (800) 431-2526, or fill out the contact form on our website. We have over 33 years of experience handling a variety of complicated family law cases in California.

Date of decision: February 6, 2012

City of hearing: Family Law Division – San Diego, CA

Issues before the court: Dissolution with minor children

City and State of client: San Diego, CA

Description: Our firm was hired for a contested dissolution with minor children.

Client comments: “I would like to thank The Edmunds Law Firm in helping me with the divorce
proceeding.”