Dating’s Impact on the Divorce Settlement

In theory, you may have been the perfect spouse during the marriage and only began dating after it was clear that divorce was imminent. But dating during divorce proceedings opens up questions about marital misconduct, such as adultery. If a judge disapproves of your dating behavior, s/he may hold it against you during the proceedings. This feeling may be subconscious, but judges are only human and can’t help forming biases just like everyone else.

In addition, dating before a divorce is finalized usually angers and saddens the other spouse. This is true regardless of how he or she may have acted during the marriage itself. It may cause the other spouse to question how faithful you were during the marriage, even if that question never crossed his or her mind before. This often causes the other spouse to become confrontational and distrustful, further complicating divorce proceedings.

Finally, the new relationship may be considered in the division of property, child custody or alimony determination. This is especially true if you two move in together and/or your new partner has a stronger financial footing than your estranged spouse.

Dating’s Impact on Child Custody Issues

Watching a parent date while a divorce is pending is also difficult for children, who often come to resent the new person in the dating spouse’s life. If the child registers discomfort with your new relationship, the court can take that into account when making custody determinations. When one spouse is dating, the other spouse may also resist shared custody agreements for emotional reasons.

Furthermore, there will now be three parties for the court to consider during custody hearings – not two. If your new relationship has a shady past, that will be held against YOU during the divorce proceedings.

In addition, if you have children, you will likely have ongoing contact with your ex-spouse after the divorce is finalized. Dating before a divorce can poison your relationship with your ex-spouse for years to come, making future joint decisions more difficult than they needed to be.

Dating’s Impact on Emotional Issues

A new relationship can help you avoid feeling some of the pain of a divorce, but that relief is likely temporary. It is unlikely that you are truly emotionally ready to start a new relationship. Studies have shown that the first relationship after a divorce has little chance of long-term survival. Are you really ready to jeopardize so much for a relationship that likely won’t last? And if the new person in your life really is “the one,” shouldn’t they put your best interest first by waiting until after the divorce is final?

Finding a Divorce Attorney in San Diego

If you find yourself faced with divorce and need professional, compassionate advice on how to handle this difficult time, please call The Edmunds Law Firm at (800) 431-2526, or fill out the contact form on our website. We have over 33 years of experience handling a variety of complicated family law cases in California.

But you can survive the day – just as you survived the divorce. Here are some practical (and often humorous) tips from the blog FirstWivesWorld.com. [Though the blog is geared toward women, everyone can benefit from this sage advice.]

Short-Term Strategies

1. Make Sure You Are Prepared: There will be prying eyes and personal questions from your friends and coworkers about plans you may have for your first Valentine’s Day alone. Have an answer for them, even if it is “no comment.”
2. Don’t Get Dressed Up: It just invites the prying questions listed above.
3. Read a Book: Preferably read a book in which people who fall in love come to a bad end. Most Shakespeare novels will do. Avoid books that end with lovers living “happily ever after.”
4. Avoid the Media: Whether it is TV, radio of the Internet, mainstream media will be filled with soapy love stories and movies. This is just another reason to follow Tip No. 3: “Read a Book.”
5. Buy Yourself Chocolate: Any day is a good day to buy some chocolate, but you can skip the overpriced heart-shaped box.
6. Don’t Buy Flowers: Flowers are always over-priced during the holidays. You will be better off waiting a week or two.
7. Avoid Places Designed for Couples: Cozy restaurants are a no-no. Crowded nightclubs, even shopping centers, are a better bet.
8. Don’t Hook Up with A Stranger: You’ll regret it in the morning, and it’ll make future Valentine’s Days even harder to handle.
9. Remember It’s Just One Day: If you’ve gone through a divorce, you’ve faced even greater hardship than the “love barrage” of Valentine’s Day. Shut your door, turn off all media, eat what you love, read a good book, etc. It will all be over in the morning.
10. Remember Why You Got Divorced: For whatever reason, your marriage didn’t work out and that’s ok. Look toward the future. There are better days ahead.

Long-Term Strategies

Divorce Magazine takes a longer – and perhaps more serious look at the issue. Its editors suggest five tips for surviving Valentine’s Day this year and in the future.

1. Accept That Divorce Changes You: The sooner you accept that you are not the same person you were before the divorce, the sooner you can experience the opportunities for growth and renewal that come from even the most devastating of circumstances. Nothing is gained from holding onto bitterness.
2. Learn From Your Divorce: Learn from the experience – both good and bad – so that your next relationship is stronger, and future Valentine’s Days are more joyful.
3. Get Back in the Game: It may take several months or several years, but don’t wait until you have no fears of reentering the dating pool. Eventually, you must take the leap. If you are too afraid to go it alone, join a dating service that caters to divorced people or join a support group.
4. Consider Professional Help: If you do your best to survive Valentine’s Day and just can’t get over your depression, seek help. If family, friends, books (online or in print) and support groups aren’t enough, seek professional help from a therapist who has experience helping people rebuild after divorce and other traumatic experiences.
5. Enjoy Being Single: Many people enjoy the freedom and opportunities that come with being single. Don’t see this point in your life as “between relationships”; see it as an opportunity to get to know yourself better and indulge yourself a bit.

Finding a Divorce Attorney in San Diego

If you find yourself faced with divorce and need professional, compassionate advice on how to handle this difficult time, please call The Edmunds Law Firm at (800) 431-2526, or fill out the contact form on our website. We have over 33 years of experience handling a variety of complicated family law cases in California.

Annulment in California

Annulment, or a “judgment of nullity,” is a court finding that the marriage never legally existed. It should be noted that a legal annulment is NOT the same as a religious one. A church can find that the marriage never existed, while a court does not, and visa versa. In legal terms an annulment can occur if any of the following conditions occur:

• One party is a minor and didn’t have proper consent to be married in the first place
• One party is of unsound mind
• One party is physically incapable of consummating the marriage
• The marriage was obtained by fraud or force

Automatic annulments are granted in the cases of bigamy, polygamy or incest.

Legal Separation in California

A legal separation involves many of the same procedures as a divorce, and court rulings regarding child support and other items are equally obligatory. However, the couple remains legally married and remarriage is forbidden.

Paternity

Paternity means the determination that someone is the father of a child. Under the California Uniform Parentage Act, a man is considered to be the child’s father if:

• He and the child’s mother were married to each other at the time the child was born or the child is born within 300 days after the marriage is terminated
• He and the child’s mother marry or attempt to marry after the child is born
• He openly holds out the child as his natural child and receives the child into his home
• He and the child’s mother execute a voluntary declaration of paternity

Results of blood tests (DNA-based paternity tests) can be used to overturn a finding of paternity.

Abuse

• Domestic Abuse

Domestic abuse, or domestic violence,  is defined by the California Domestic Violence Prevention Act of 1994, which covers spouses, cohabitants, fiancées, anyone with a dating or former dating relationship with the accused abuser, as well as the abuse of a minor sons or daughters.  Types of violence addressed by the act include:

• Sexual assault
• Placing a person in reasonable apprehension of being seriously injured, or reasonable apprehension that another person will be seriously injured
• Intentionally or recklessly causing physical injury
• Intentionally or recklessly attempting physical injury

There are several options available to a victim of domestic abuse. A victim may file criminal charges, file a civil suit seeking damages, or seek a protective order against the abuser.

Usually, the first step is to seek a protective order from a superior court. The protective order prevents the accuser from contacting the victim, including visits to the victim’s school or workplace while he/she is present. Other types of harassment or threats are also prohibited (such as threatening phone calls). Such protective orders can last up to three years.

A general protective order involves a hearing, which can take time. In the case of an immediate threat to the victim, the court can obtain an emergency – or ex parte – protective order. Ex parte protective orders are valid for five to seven days and are designed to protect the victim until the hearing can be held.

• Child Abuse

Child abuse is covered under the California Child Abuse and Neglect Reporting Act. General neglect is the failure of a person responsible for a child to supply necessary food, clothing, shelter, or medical care when that person is able to do so, or failure to protect the child from imminent and serious danger to his or her physical or mental health. Severe neglect is neglect that results in severe malnutrition or failure to thrive syndrome. Neglect does not include cases in which a caregiver relies on spiritual prayer to help a sick child.

Physical abuse is any physical injury inflicted on a child by other than accidental means. Other types of child abuse include emotional maltreatment, such as verbal assault, sexual battery, sexual exploitation, or sexual assault, including involving a child in prostitution or pornography.

By law, certain members of society are required to report child abuse. These include virtually anyone who works directly with children, such as health care professionals, child protective agency employees, law enforcement officers, teachers, camp administrators, firefighters, animal control or humane society officers, and commercial film and photo processors. Persons who report abuse and neglect in good faith are immune from civil or criminal liability. If a child is in immediate danger, any person can report suspected child abuse via 911.

Elder Abuse

Elder abuse is similar to child abuse, but it also includes financial abuse (such as embezzlement or extortion), and abandonment (failure to protect the older person from hazards to his or her health or safety).

Similar to child abuse, there are certain people mandated to report elder abuse in California, including certain adult protective services and law enforcement workers, elder care workers, and health practitioners. As with child abuse, mandated reporters are immune from civil and criminal liability if they report abuse or suspected abuse. However, failure to report is a misdemeanor, punishable by six months in jail, a $1000 fine, or both.

Finding a San Diego Family Law Attorney

If you find yourself faced with divorce in California and need professional, compassionate advice on how to handle this difficult time, please call The Edmunds Law Firm at (800) 431-2526, or fill out the contact form on our website. We have over 33 years of experience handling a variety of complicated family law cases in California.

It is important to realize that most family law derives from state law. There are very few federal regulations regarding families. Everything written below relates only to family law in California.

Marriage in California

• Who May Marry

Anyone who is 18 or older has the right to marry without permission from parents or guardians, as well as the right to vote, make contracts and serve on a jury. Those under the age of 18 may marry if they are capable of consent, have the consent of both parents or guardians, are capable of consummating the marriage and obtain a court order granting permission. Both parties must have premarital counseling. In no case can a marriage occur between ancestors or descendants, brothers and sisters (including half-siblings), aunts and nephews, and uncles and nieces.

Common law marriage is not legal in California, but California does recognized common law marriages that are valid in other states.

The status of same-sex marriage in California is unique among the 50 state because – by court order – California legalized same sex marriages from June 16, 2008 to Nov. 5, 2008, then discontinued to do so after the passage of Proposition 8, which amended the state constitution to prohibit gay marriages. Marriages granted by any civil entity, foreign or otherwise, anytime before the passage of Proposition 8 remain legally recognized and retain full state-level marriage rights. Subsequent state legislation established that any same-sex marriages granted by other jurisdictions after the passage of Proposition 8 retain the state rights that come with marriage, except for the legal term “marriage” itself.

• Premarital agreements

A premarital agreement is an agreement made by both parties before they are married about how to divide assets in the case that the marriage ends in separation, divorce or death. These are legally binding in the case of divorce.

• Marriage Rights

Spouses have the right to respect, affection, cohabitation, and fidelity in the marriage. They have a mutual obligation to support one another and their children. Necessities such as food, clothing, and shelter are the responsibility of both spouses. Spouses are responsible for each other’s contracts, debts, and damages. When one spouse dies, the surviving spouse typically has the right to receive property from the deceased spouse.

Divorce in California

• Divorce

Divorce, also known as “dissolution” is the legal termination of a marriage. At the time of filing for divorce, at least one party must have lived in California for at least six months, and be a resident of the county where the action is filed for at least three months.

A California county superior court makes the final dissolution judgment and decree. The court makes the final determination on custody, visitation, child support, spousal support and division of property if both parties cannot come to an agreement about such issues on their own. There is a six month gap between the time divorce papers are filed and a court hearing is held which terminates the marriage.

California is a no-fault divorce state. Therefore, the court cannot consider a spouse’s actions in causing the divorce when making its determination for custody, visitation, property disposition or other dissolution matters.

• Special issues – Child Custody

Child custody is determined by the court solely on what is believed to be in the best interest of the child. There are two different types of child custody: sole and joint. Under sole custody, one parent has primary responsibility for raising the children. In joint custody, both parents share that responsibility.

There are two types of joint custody. Under joint legal custody, the children reside with one parent who makes day-to-day decisions on the child’s behalf, but both parents share responsibility for making broader decisions regarding the children (such as religion). Under joint physical custody, both parents are involved in the day-to-day decisions and children spend time (though not necessarily equal amounts) with both parents.

In any case, the non-custodial parent is usually granted visitation rights unless there is reason to believe that would be detrimental to the children, such as when the non-custodial parent has been found to be abusive. If parents cannot reach an amicable agreement, the courts will impose one on them. Visitation rights can also be granted to others with whom the child has a close relationship, such as grandparents.

• Special issues – Child and Spousal Support

Child support is financial assistance provided to the custodial parent by the non-custodial parent under court order. Spousal support is similar except that either party can seek spousal support. In the case of either spousal or child support, if the court determines that parties are not meeting their court-ordered obligations, the court may order their employers to withhold their wages until these obligations are met. The court may even order the employer to directly pay child or spousal support before giving the employee the remainder of his/her wages.

• Special issues – Division of Property

Most property acquired through marriage is considered community property that is owned equally by both parties. In the case of a property that can’t be split, one party is usually awarded the property but must pay half of its value to the other party. Community debts are divided equally as well.

Property that belonged solely to one spouse prior to marriage, or is a gift or inheritance given to only one party is considered separate property and stays with the party who had it originally.

Finding a Family Law Attorney in San Diego

If you find yourself faced with divorce in California and need professional, compassionate advice on how to handle this difficult time, please call The Edmunds Law Firm at (800) 431-2526, or fill out the contact form on our website. We have over 33 years of experience handling a variety of complicated family law cases in California.

According to a story published recently in the Sacramento Bee, however, California’s divorce rate is actually lower than many U.S. states and may have even dropped in recent years. The article was based on a study titled “Marital Events of Americans” conducted by the U.S. Census Bureau in 2009.

The numbers showed that the divorce rate of Californians was lower than the national average for both men and women. In 2009 California men had a divorce rate of 8 per 1,000 while the national average was 9.2 per 1,000. California women by the same measure had a divorce rate of 8.9 per 1,000, much lower than the national average of 9.7 per 1,000.

In comparison, the study showed that the South (FL, GA, SC, NC) had the highest rate of divorce in the nation and the Northeast (NY, MA, VA) had the lowest.

Finding a Divorce Attorney in San Diego

Quality California divorce lawyers are hard to find, but the San Diego Divorce Center makes it easy for families to connect with attorneys experienced in state and federal laws.

If you find yourself faced with divorce in California and need professional, compassionate advice on how to handle this difficult time, please call The Edmunds Law Firm at (800) 431-2526, or fill out the contact form on our website. We have over 33 years of experience handling a variety of complicated divorce cases around the San Diego area as well as nationwide.

1. Dancers & choreographers – 43.05% divorce rate
2. Bartenders – 38.43% divorce rate
3. Massage therapists – 38.22% divorce rate
4. Gaming cage workers – 34.66% divorce rate
5. Extruding machine operators – 32.74%
6. Gaming service workers – 31.35% divorce rate
7. Factory workers – 29.78% divorce rate
8. Telephone operators – 29.30% divorce rate
9. Nursing, psychiatric, and home health aides – 28.95% divorce rate
10. Entertainers and performers, sports and related workers – 28.49% divorce rate

Looking for a San Diego Divorce Attorney?

Regardless of whether your occupation is on this list or not, sometimes couples just need a fresh start. If you are considering divorce, the San Diego divorce attorneys at The Edmunds Law Firm can help.

Call The Edmunds Law Firm at (800) 431-2526, or fill out the contact form on our website. We have over 33 years of experience handling a variety of complicated divorce cases around the San Diego and Bay area.

Here are six steps to help women begin moving toward financial independence following divorce:

1. Take stock of your financial situation

This includes making a list of all of your current assets and liabilities, including bank account information, mortgage statements, credit card bills, wills and trusts. Make copies of all applicable documents and put them in a secure place, such as a safe deposit box.

2. Create a financial plan based on your future goals

This plan should answer such questions as:

• Who will have primary custody of the children?
• Do either of you wish to remain in the present house?
• If a house is sold, how will the proceeds be divided?
• Who will pay for the educational expenses of you or your children?
• What are the tax consequences of different divorce settlement scenarios?

This plan will help you determine –and justify – request for alimony and child support payments.

3. Divide up joint finances

This means withdrawing half of the funds from any joint bank accounts and placing them into a new account – in a different bank – under your own name. You also need to similarly divide stocks, mutual funds and other financial instruments that are in both your names. A financial advisor can help in this regard.

Perhaps the most difficult part of step three is cancelling joint credit card accounts and getting new credit cards in your own name. Unfortunately, new federal regulations make it harder for women with little or no income – and/or little credit history – to establish their own line of credit. If you fall into this category, proceed anyway. Establishing your own credit rating is a critical part of obtaining independent financial security.

4.Get a post office box

You don’t want your spouse to stumble upon information from your financial planner or divorce attorney that you intended to keep confidential. Obtaining a post office box is an inexpensive and easy way to ensure that confidential information stays confidential.

5. Untangle legal entanglements

These include wills, medical directives and power of attorneys. This step includes such items as changing beneficiaries on life insurance policies, and preventing your husband from making medical decisions on your behalf. (Keep in mind, you likely will no longer be the beneficiary of your husband’s life insurance policies either.)

6. Assess your husband’s income

This entails more than just his salary, but also average yearly bonuses, income from part-time work, stock dividends and the like. Many men try to hide their sources of income in order to cheat their ex-wives out of alimony and child support.

Once these steps are done, you will be well on your way toward financial independence following divorce. If these steps feel overwhelming to you, you may want to enlist the advice of a financial planner. Just as most financial experts do not have expertise in legal affairs, most lawyers are not financial experts. Having both on your team can help ensure a solid financial future for you and your family.

If you are ready to talk to a divorce lawyer, the experienced divorce lawyers of Edmunds Law Firm will be able to give you the advice you need so you’ll know what actions to take to protect yourself. Contact us today!

Divorce Help for Men

If you are a man facing divorce, don’t underestimate how tough it’s going to be going through it; it can actually take some time for the reality to sink in. You are going to be separated from the partner you once loved, there will be financial issues, you could lose your home and even your children. No doubt this will have emotional and financial repercussions for some time to come.  The following advice for divorcing men will be invaluable.

There’s also no debate the the court system treats men and women differently. It’s imperative that you seek professional counsel to avoid the pitfalls that await you. Following are some tips to help you through this devastating time.

1) Seek out a divorce lawyer for men.

Don’t be lulled by her comments that she wants an amicable divorce or she wants to be fair. If she filed for divorce she’s been thinking about it for awhile and you’re playing catch up. Whether she has said it or not she’s already figured out what she wants to leave the relationship with. You need to know your financial exposure, what are the custody issues in your state, what will alimony or child support look like, what about the house and more. Even if you think there is a chance of reconciliation don’t put this off. If you reconcile, no harm no foul but if you do divorce you want a game plan. Make sure your lawyer has experience in divorce cases and that he/she is licensed in your state.

2. Seek out a counselor familiar with the issues of divorcing men.

Divorce is never inevitable. Sometimes it’s just a gut reaction to events or unresoved issues that may have simmered for years and are just now blowing up. If at all possible get your wife to go along but, if she won’t, it’s still advisable for you to go to get some perspective. If you love your wife, don’t give up without a fight. Even if it’s your fault forgiveness and reconciliation is always an option. But once proceedings start it will be all but impossible to stop.

3. Do some research on your wife and keep good notes.

Be careful wearing you heart on your sleeve and posting everything on Facebook or other social media as you can bet she’ll be reviewing all your web history to find something on you, if she doesn’t already. Of course the opposite is true as well and if you suspect her of something search the web history, social media posts etc and not everything. Be prepared to answer what happened when and what time and under what circumstances. Your lawyer should be able to counsel you as to what information you should be trying to find and note. Each state is different as to what emphasis will be placed on what information. But winning depends on preparation.

4. Record things as appropriate:

• written notes
• video of household items or her activities
• scan or copy important documents
• copy emails, posts etc and print out
• record phone conversations if significant

5. As a divorcing man, it may be difficult, but try to remain calm.

Tension should be expected but blowing up and being violent, breaking things, being vindictive will hurt your cause and cost you in the long run. Even an amicable divorce can have heated moments that will raise your blood pressure to the boiling point. Remember if you’re recording phone calls, she may be as well and you don’t want a tape showing up of you cursing and threatening over the phone, via email, in letters or any other fashion. Just take a deep breath and walk away when the tension rises.

The above divorce advice for men will help if you’ll just follow it.

If you are ready to talk to a divorce lawyer, the experienced divorce lawyers of Edmunds Law Firm will be able to give you, as a man, the advice you need to hear so you’ll know what actions to take to protect yourself. Contact us today!

Questions about the experience of your Encinitas divorce lawyer

1) Are you certified as a California Family Law Specialist?

Only Board Certified Family Law Specialists are recognized by the State Bar of California as being experts in divorce and family law. Unlike other attorneys, Board Certified Specialists must meet stringent requirements to obtain that status, including significant experience in their practice area, numerous continuing education credits, passage of a written examination and colleague references.

2) What other attorneys or paralegals will be working on my case, and what kind of experience do they have?

Many aspects of your case will not be handled by a firm partner. Make sure you are comfortable with the level of experience offered by all the staff members who will be working on your case.

3) Does the Encinitas divorce lawyer working on this case have an A-V Martindale Hubbell rating?

An A-V rating by Martindale Hubble is the highest rating possible. Only 5 percent of US attorneys have this rating. If your attorney has an A-V rating by Martindale Hubbell it shows that he or she is truly an expert in the fields of divorce and family law.

4. How many cases does the firm handle?

If the firm handles only a few cases a year, it may just “dabble” in California divorce law and not have the expertise necessary to handle complex issues. Similarly, if the firm handles tons of cases, it might simply be a divorce mill. In such circumstances, much of your case may be handled by non-lawyers or inexperienced young lawyers. These circumstances can includes such important items as drafting pleading, hiring expert witnesses and drafting interrogatory responses.

Questions about accessibility to your Encinitas divorce lawyer

1. How does the firm deal with emergencies?

A qualified attorney should have contingency plans for emergency situations, such as your spouse filing an ex parte (emergency) motion requiring you to appear in court. If your specific family lawyer has a conflicting appointment, is there another qualified attorney from the firm who can accompany you?

2. Will the Encinitas divorce lawyer personally return calls about important issues?

General questions about the status of the case can be handled by a staff member, but legal questions should be handled by the primary divorce attorney working on the case.

3. Will the attorney be willing to suggest a settlement conference with opposing counsel as soon as possible?

If you and your spouse have both made financial data available, a face-to-face settlement conference can generally proceed as soon as your spouse’s attorney agrees to one. Delays can be costly, both monetarily and emotionally.

Questions about your Encinita Divorce Law case

1. How long do you think it will take to resolve my case? What kind of strategies do you plan to use?

An San Diego or Oceanside divorce attorney who cannot strategize about a particular case likely does not have much experience in California divorce law or the San Diego/Oceanside legal infrastructure.

2. Can you advise me about how to handle taxes and other financial issues related to this divorce?

Financial considerations are a key aspect of any divorce. A qualified divorce attorney should understand how to deal with these issues.

3. Are you familiar my spouses’ attorney? Have you worked with him or her before?

If the answer is yes, your attorney might have an inside scoop on the best way to strategize the case given the opposing lawyers negotiating style.

As a qualified Encinitas Divorce Lawyer, Alan Edmunds and his professional team of attorneys have the expertise to guide you through even the most challenging divorce. We will answer all your questions to your satisfaction and will probably offer you help on topics you haven’t even thought of yet. For a consultation don’t hesitate to contact us.